They say, that the hardest kind of love, is the kind where the other person no longer loves you back..
Love is and can be a wonderous thing; This deep down feeling inside that is one of the most difficult things to explain in the world. Can I truly effectively review this bewitching feeling? Honestly, I doubt I’ll come close. So I’m going to break it down into itty little bits. What I want to focus on initially, is the butterfly producing feeling of lost love.
I wont pretend to know everything there is to know. I will simply give you things from my point of view, and maybe it will help one of us, right?
So for those who have really gone through love (If you’re under 18, get out of here, that’s lust, no matter what…) You will know that the enchanting feelings you have for that person totally encompass your life; Everything becomes about them or the two of you, it’s no longer just you. You lives become entwined, plans are consulted between both of you, whether that’s what to have for dinner one night to planning the next holiday. You are a team, bonded together by this spellbinding desire to face the world together.
Romancing thoughts of others no longer occurs, your fantasies, your desires all revolve around this person you are in love with. The sex is fantastic (a side effect of the strong feelings?), the cuddles are fantastic, the hand-holding is fantastic. The look you give her as she walks away, appreciating her figure – which to you is stunning – to the twinkle in her eye as you surprise her with a kiss from behind as she is doing a menial task. The rapture you are both encased in feels like a protective bubble. As long as you’re with that person you are safe and well, and so are they. You need nobody but each other.
And then it happens. Whatever it may be, cheating, lying, hitting, abuse. It happens. And it has to end. Whether you kick her out or she leaves. It happens.
In my case, I kicked her out. No reason to go into what she did, but it was enough for me to kick her out, despite us living together and having an 17-month old child. I kept the kid. Initially she left. Went for a week or so, and then had to come back as she had nowhere to go, after being asked to leave elsewhere. By then, I had got over the initial shock, and her being the baby’s mummy, and my (then ex) fiance, I let her stay. It lasted about 2 months. We weren’t sure how things would pan out, but eventually I decided I could try to forgive and forget. She wasn’t sure.
She got her own place and we began amicably sharing custody of the kid. I still tried to get her back, but realised she needed space.
3 years later, despite other relationships and even a 2nd engagement to my high school sweetheart, I am still obsessively in love with her. Despite the fact I know taking her back would probably not be the smartest idea, I know I would at the drop of a hat. So why, all this time later, is there still this insatiable desire to have her by my side, on my arm, in my bed even! We weren’t perfect. But I loved – no, sorry – I love her.
What hurts the most however, is the fact that this constant yearning will remain unrealised. Unlike me, I am of the belief she has moved on. She loves me for the sole fact I am her daughters Father, and nothing more. That, my friends, is like a spiked dagger thrust into your heart and twisted. They say, that the hardest kind of love, is the kind where the other person no longer loves you back.. they’re right. I don’t believe I will ever hear her utter the words “I Love You” to me again.
The funny thing about love is no matter how hard you search for it, or want it, it will only find you when it is ready to be found. There are many forms of love and in this instance it is ultimately possible to love someone who does not love you back. Love can be found anywhere and at any time, there are no restrictions. Unfortunately sometimes, the lack of restrictions can lead to hearts being broken.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still young and living life to the fullest. I know that one day, that magical spark will reignite whether it be with her, or someone truly worth me. And this is what keeps me going. My friends, my family and my desire to find that all-encompassing Cloud 9 with someone once more. We can all achieve it, we just really have to look hard. Find someone who deserves you, not someone who thinks you deserve them!