Swords Of A Thousand Men – Ten Pole Tudor

A song written and performed with Edward Tudor Pole, one of the presenters of The Crystal Maze. Must be a good song then, right?

Well, Ed was a terrible presenter, so I very much doubt he can sing. As it goes, he can. Barely. So, what can I say about his biggest hit? It’s memorable. I can guarantee you that once you’ve heard it, you’ll randomly remember it, during very unusual or awkward situations. In the middle of sex is a bad one, but I’m sure there’s probably worse.

Lyrically, the song is terrible. It basically explains the short story of some English soldiers who were merrily drinking in a castle basement, before going to war and either getting seriously injured or running away, albeit with very high spirits.

Favourite lyrics? Only because I can remember them:

‘Hear their shouts, hear their roar

They’ve probably all had a barrel or much, much more

Hoorah, Hoorah, Hoorah Yea

Over the hills with the swords of a thousand men!’

VERY memorable. I was singing it as I wrote it.

The music is actually quite good, but it’s a bit drum heavy for my liking. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds right and works brilliantly, but apart from the bit about the swords, the WHOLE song has drums playing. Does he ever get a break?!?

The video? Well, I didn’t look. I was genuinely quite fearful of what I would find, based on Ed’s terrible acting skills and how most musicians in videos like to act about a bit. If you want to risk it though, go ahead. Remember – LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK!

As for a score? I guess it has to be a 6/10.

That Guy


3 thoughts on “Swords Of A Thousand Men – Ten Pole Tudor

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