Knowing – 2009


Quite a recent film. Not what I’d usually watch, but it looked so great in the adverts I saw on TV…

I should sue them for false advertising. I know I would normally save the criticism (or praise) until AFTER the synopsis, but I had to get that point across. I’ll resume in my usual manner.

A quick synopsis will follow this, as I refuse to sully our reputation with bad ideas!

In 1959, a girl places a seemingly random list of numbers into a time capsule, where, 50 years later, it is dug out and given to a boy, who shows it to his father (Nicholas Cage) who then discovers that the list is a series of warnings about disasters which will occur (after 1959, but before they remove the list from the capsule – I know, it’s time travel…) There is also three disasters to follow, being a plane-crash, a tube-station accident and the end of the world… Wooooh. End of the world…  Nicholas Cage’s character, hitherto known as Jonathan, attempts to work out the meaning of the numbers and find a way to prevent the destruction of Earth. He fails.

Not a lot I can add to that without ruining this entire page, so I won’t bother. What I can say, however, is that the end – the VERY end – sucks. I want to spoil it for you, but I don’t want to, so I wont. Aliens and God. That’s what I’m saying. It’s Aliens and God. Aliens take some kids to a planet with a tree that supposedly represents the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden. BULLSHIT! The whole bloody plotline was leading to that? Seriously? Not even worth the time it took to watch it! If you didn’t want to have the ending ruined, you probably shouldn’t have read this paragraph. Sorry ’bout that!

The concept was great. A list of disasters that culminate in the end of the world? Brilliant idea. Problem? They went too far. Sure, the disasters were believable, but bloody hell! This one guy, the guy who decodes the message, is there at the first of the last three disasters. He witnesses the accident. That’s bullshit. Ok. Bull. Shit. It wouldn’t happen. Another thing. When Jonathan first notices the significance of the numbers, its pure coincidence. You know why? He accidentally placed his over-flowing cup of whiskey or scotch or whatever it is, on the list and a few numbers were circled. Guess what? He just so happens to see a string of numbers, some that cross through the ring of drink he made and they coincide with a disaster that EVERYONE in the world knows about. 9/11! Don’t get me wrong. The number 091101299640717401 stands out to me as well… As a long fucking number! Seriously. If you saw that string of numbers, mixed in with a bunch of others, would you REALLY pick up on the whole 9/11/01 disaster, where 2996 people died at Longitude 40.71 and Latitude -74.01? No. You wouldn’t. It was a ridiculous idea to make him find it out like that. He might as well have had someone tell him.

It’s just another one of those things that ticks me off. And a lot of things tick me off. Trigonometry, for example…

Sin (Theta)^2 + Cos (Theta)^2 = 1

Does it? Does it really? Yes. It does. It’s also the only bloody trigonometry equation I can think of AND I have another maths lesson in 31 minutes. I’m attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis… Yes. I’m screwed!

Anywho, back to the film. The characters are poorly developed and a large number of characters get a minimal amount of screen time. As for Jonathan? He’s a douche! All he does is moan and whine and complain and then, at the end of it all, gets depressed because that’s all he’s doing. Sure, he’s lost his wife and now his son gets taken by some aliens, but bloody hell! He’s one of the few people who can prove determinism correct and now he’s upset? Well, a group hug will sort everything out… (This happens in the film and during it, the Earth starts to incinerate).

I didn’t really notice that much music, but I did try to block out some of the dialogue, so that I could replace it with something worth watching. For example, there’s this scene, where a flat-chested woman (not that that’s a bad thing), is on the screen and someone at the back is talking, so I suggested that the person at the back has broken into a song I like to call, ‘Ain’t Got No Titties!’ It’s a good song. I’ll have to write the lyrics and get someone to review it…

My final point, in order to make me seem as though I despise this film even more, is that the writer/s is/are bastards. You know why? He kills Jonathan’s wife before the start. They kill a girl’s mother whilst she is trying to save her daughter from some creepy people who whisper at kids and they stop Jonathan from going with his son to the safety of what I call, New Eden. Oh. And then they destroy the Earth… How DARE they destroy the only planet I have aspirations to one day be the overlord of? HOW DARE THEY!

That said, I still like the concept behind this film. If there is ever a similar film, I’d watch it, just so that I can compare the two films. This one sucked, but hopefully the other would be better!

3/10

*EDIT* I also quite like the graphics. The whole scene with the fire sweeping across the Earth was pretty spectacular and the detail when making the tube-train crash was amazing. As for the plane crash? Still quite good, but I don’t think it reacted realistically when it hit the ground…

That Guy

7 thoughts on “Knowing – 2009

  1. Love this! Your tangent on maths was hilarious. I think the rating at the end was harsh. 3/10 and the criticisms were the fact you didn’t like the character and the way he recognized the answers. I agree, the film wasn’t amazing, but I would have given it a good 6.5 xD

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    1. I have to admit, I was a fan of the graphics, which I am ABOUT to edit into the review (I forgot them earlier), but I think it’s all too co-incidental (which I know the film picks up on) for my liking… I’m sticking with 3/10…

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      1. Also, now that I’m not being asked to play with some mates, I wish to point out that I didn’t like the plot. The way the film was made, was terrible. I liked the idea, but they ruined it all. Seriously? Aliens and God. They were 2 joke guesses I made towards the middle of the film, around about when the train crashed. I shouldn’t have joked about the truth THAT early in…

        Sort of reminds me of The Librarian : Curse Of The Judas Chalice. I joked that the first 5 minutes (the intro credits) were the best part of the film. Guess what? I was right!

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