Why Indiana Jones should’ve just left the Nazis alone

Raider’s of the Lost Ark..What a film…well I mea, it’s no Last Crusade but it’s a bajillion times better than Temple of Doom…Anywho, you all know how it goes. Jones stops the Nazi’s from using the Ark of the Covenant to make their armies undefeatable therefore taking over the world. All in all it was a good thing that he stopped them….

OR WAS IT???!!!!

Well lets look at this. Firstly the Nazi’s were looking in the wrong place, they never would’ve found the thing had Indiana not dug it up first. If Jones hadn’t been there then the Nazi’s would have blown millions of a 1930’s budget from a country barely out of one of the worst recessions in history digging in the wrong freaking place. Furthermore it’s mentioned that Hitler is “mad about this stuff”. That’s actually true. Hitler was obsessed with the occult and the Ark of the Covenant probably would’ve appealed to him. So we have a case where the Nazi’s dig for weeks and find nothing…what does Hitler say? Dig somewhere else, just so long as you find it. This may well have continued for many months, blowing massive chunks out of the Germany economy. Would it have gone on forever? No. Would it have bankrupted Germany? No, but it’s money that would’ve been well spent on fur coats for the Russian front…

Pictured: The right way to invade Soviet Russia…

Alright lets, for the sake of argument, say that the Nazi’s did find the Ark. What would they have done with it? Well it’s mentioned that they were planning to take the Ark to Berlin where it would be opened in front of Hitler and the leaders of the Third Reich. Presumably this would include a large amount of solders and supporters of the Nazis, including wealthy aristocrats whose donations kept the movement running in the early days. Going by what we saw in the finale of the film, as soon as the Ark was opened ghosts would fly out, people’s heads would explode, there would be fire and a hell of a lot of faces melting off.

Imagine this but with significantly more historical significance…

So we have a situation where the leaders of the Third Reich are now puddles of gloop and the movement itself has lost millions digging for an object which has just killed their esteemed leader. The Second World War never starts (the film is set in 1936), no Holocaust, no atomic weapons, no cold war, no Korea, no Vietnam, NO HIPPIES! With this said, we have no idea how things would’ve turned out. What we do know, however, is that World War 2 never would’ve happened, in fact many of those events never would’ve. Indiana Jones could’ve saved 60 million people, instead he bonks Marion and fathers Shia LeBouf….Well done Indy…

Totally worth it…

Totally not…


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