5 Groups of People that make you thankful we don’t live in the world of Harry Potter

Hey guys, wouldn’t it be great if we lived in the Harry Potter universe? What with the magic and wonder and Luna Lovegood/Bellatrix Lestrange (I HAVE NEEDS!!). Frankly pretty much all of my friends want this, I wanted this. Until, that is, I watched all the Harry Potter films again and came to a conclusion. There are 5 groups of people who, if they possessed magic as in Harry Potter, would make you long for our plain old life as muggles. This list is going to convert you, I guarantee it.

5) Psychopaths, mainly murderers.

Yeah, this ones pretty damn obvious. Lets look at the evidence. Firstly two of the unforgivable curses appeal directly to psychopaths, the cruciatus curse and the killing curse, a spell made specifically for murder, no more, no less. The cruciatus curse causes pain beyond pain. Both of these spells are gonna appeal to your average Ted Bundy. Furthermore, a psychopath could use any spell such as body binding spells or memory charms to do what ever they wanted. Any amount of dark magic could be utilised and used to cause harm. Finally, let me give you one word. Fiendfyre. That’s right. Cursed fire. We’ve seen what it can do, Voldemort used it when he fought Dumbledore in the ministry, Dumbledore used it to fight inferi and Goyle used it in the room of requirement. That shit is potent, if you can control it. Imagine what Bundy or the Yorkshire Ripper, or any terrorist could do with a wand and fiendfyre. Scary isn’t it?

4) Rapists

In the same stretch as number 5, rapists with power is freaking horrifying. You’ve got spells like petrificus totalus that PREVENT PEOPLE FROM MOVING. Imagine that, rapists could prevent victims from moving, talking and resisting them yet they can still…feel it. Plus, the imperius curse, mind control, means that the rapist needn’t technically do anything much at all. They could just sit there and have their target do all the work. There are stunning spells and spells that confuse people, both of which could be used by a rapist to subdue their targets and the worst part of this is that stunning spells are described as ‘a wizard’s bread and butter’ meaning that every wizard is taught it, pretty much all of them can use it effectively. Oh and in case you think that the auror department will deal with it, you’ve got the memory charm so victims would never know anything happened and therefore never report it.

3) Perverts

Lets look at this. Firstly, the imperius curse which allows you to control people and then the fact that you can wipe their minds afterwards, this could get worse. The polyjuice potion means that people can have an hour in another person’s body without any repercussions, all you need is a month of time and your target’s hair. Imagine it. You’ve got a girl or guy that you adore but they constantly refuse you, what do you do? You take a piece of their hair or something that belongs to them (pretty creepy in itself). You add it to the potion and then, boom one hour with their body, no restraints, no repercussions

Now imagine that with a paedophile.

There is no way of tracking it, you can’t stop it, you may never find out. All they need is something of yours and then they can go wild. Scary stuff.

2) Animal ‘lovers’

By this, I mean people who like animals a little TOO much….You know the sort. The guy who marries he’s horse or the woman who is very well acquainted with her dog…Bestiality, there I said it are you happy now!!?? Lets look at this. In the Harry Potter world you have half-breeds. Centaurs, merpeople, giants, trolls. The whole shebang. Furthermore in this world mating with half-breeds is probably perfectly legal, there’s certainly nothing illegal about doing it with a giant, Hagrid proves this. I presume the same applies to others. Naturally breeding with half-breeds would probably lead to disgrace etc etc but do people who screw horses really care about people looking down on them? Plus we have the same old thing with the imperius curse, stunning spells etc.

1) Students

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Being a student in the Harry Potter world would be freaking awesome. You get to learn magic, meet other witches and wizards including Dumbledore. There is absolutely nothing wrong or dangerous about being a student in the Harry Potter universe!!

Oh unless you’re counting the danger of putting a bunch of moody teenagers with various angst in an isolated place where they learn spells, most of which can be used in an offensive way.

There are three main schools, Hogwarts, Beauxbatons and Durmstrung. Each has its own problems. Firstly all have issues with the fact that you’re teaching TEENAGERS who all have issues, magic. Lets look at this. Hogwarts is mixed so you have guys ,who are already really violent, and girls, who have a tendency to bicker and bitch. Plus, in the tales of Beedle the Bard, Dumbledore talks about how, during a school performance, the leads (both female) begin to duel furiously because of a guy. This could happen constantly. Furthermore you have a school where the stairs move, a pretty big hazard (there’s even a fake step for god’s sake),  and the place is riddled with dangerous rooms like the one with a freaking three-headed dog behind it. But by far the worst thing about Hogwarts is the house system. immediately you have a situation where you’re divided and placed in houses based on qualities. Slytherin is ambition and cunning, Gryffindor is courage and loyalty, Ravenclaw is intelligence and wit and Hufflepuff….sits in the corner and plays with safety scissors and glitter….Yay the bumbling badger of mediocrity!

Throughout the books, Slytherin is cast as the house were all bad comes from eg Voldemort and the Malfoy’s. So Slytherin become outcasts and have no choice but to sit there while everyone else tells them that they’re gonna grow up and join their parents in slaughtering muggles. Hufflepuff is worse, they’re branded a useless, the sorting hat even says that Helga Hufflepuff decided to ‘take the rest’. That’s right. Hufflepuff is full of the kids the other houses didn’t want. Is it any wonder that these are the houses that left first during the battle of Hogwarts??

Beauxbatons is pretty bad because it’s entirely female. There are no guys for them to argue over but girls can still be bitches (no offence) and most of them are Veela so they have a temper. This is just a massive oestrogen bomb just waiting to go off. Well, at least it’s no Durmstung, the school where Grindlewald was taught and violence and dark magic rules. We hear Krum say that he ‘made some people pay’ for drawing the mark of the deathly hallows on the walls there.

So there you have it. You may be a student receiving a brilliant education at the hands of Dumbledore but you are in a situation whereby the smallest argument could erupt into a full-scale duel, you have the weapons and the skills to cause massive damage (defence against the dark arts practicaly teaches you to fight) and you have a 50% chance of being segregated. Still wanna be a wizard??

Yeah, I think we all kinda do…


15 thoughts on “5 Groups of People that make you thankful we don’t live in the world of Harry Potter

    1. Because I’m the good one that doesn’t really achieve anything until the end. I’m Neville or Ron. If I was someone in the films…


  1. You can’t know that! The Gleed was open in the late forties! That’s 60 odd years worth of pupils before you! Besides you and I are two of the greatest anyway so stop complaining.


    1. Ben. Let’s be honest. We could outsmart ANYONE that went to the Gleed, past, present, or future… It’s just another fact of life…


  2. Whilst I love your optimism and the fact that you said we rather than I, you may well be wrong. You never know…Nevertheless we are pretty damn fine ain’t we:L


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