This is a request from a dear old friend of mine, named Claudia. She’s going through a rough patch at the moment and is considering giving up golf as a result. I jest of course. Claudia. You have friends who will help you if you ask…

So, anywho, here’s my rant about cheese. Hope you like it!

It’s great. Here I am, sipping my Besserat de Bellefon Grande Tradition Brut Non Vintage, eating a selection of perfect samples of cheese. Some Gorgonzola, some Cheddar, some Edam and some Mozzarella. What’s better than cheese and wine? Ask Antony Worrall Thompson and I’m sure he’ll agree.

So, what do I like about cheese? Well, I think it’s the taste. It’s so creamy and yet not, whilst the texture is that of rubber, yet of gold. Cheese ism, in my opinion, the wonder food. Plus, it was an easy food income on Stronghold… I liked that game.

Well, now that I’m sure the façade of my minor wine abuse will have been seen through, I’ll let you in on a secret. I know NOTHING about cheese. Surely I’d have looked before writing this? I would, but I’m lazy and my stomach hurts. I don’t want to make it worse. I love cheese. If it’s a choice between the woman that’ll make me happy forever, or a life-times supply of cheese, then the latter will win EVERY time. It’s a fact!

So, why am I ranting about cheese? Because it’s so great. I’ve spent the last 9 years of my life living with relatives who hate cheese and the last 2 months of my love life with a woman who hates cheese, but adores Marmite. Where’s the justice? I’ll tell you where. In the bowels. Cheese will not mess your undies. Marmite will. Don’t quote me on that!

Well, NO MORE! I demand that we form a cheese brigade and charge into the Marmite factories and rebel against those that fill the world with that most foul of all foods.

I call High Edam Councillor of The East Wing of Cheese!

Well, that’s what I think about cheese. Not a great post, I know, but I apologise wholeheartedly for that and anything else I have done wrong. Except for inciting riotous behaviour. That was a joke and should not be taken seriously.



That Guy

PS – Claudia. I told you I would do it…

7 thoughts on “Cheese

    1. I’m honoured to think that you think my writing skills are so good. If only you saw the number of time’s I’m using a spell/grammar checker… Regardless, I thank you!

      That Guy


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