Coulrophobia. 20 points if you know this one. Yeah. Clown-o-phobia, or the fear of clowns. Not uncommon. Trust me.

What is it about clowns that some of us fear? The red nose? The heavily-made-up face? Or is it the fear that Tim Curry will come along and rape our face with his evil smile, bulbous head and penchant for men with blonde hair and tans?

“Don’t get strung out… By the way I look…”

Personally, I think it’s the pity. I pity clowns. I fear them, but I pity them. They are made to be the smiley people, always laughing and joking, but you just know, deep down, they’re sobbing for their lives, knowing that this is what their life has amounted to. Look at Krusty the Clown. You know he hates his job, but he does it anyway, because it’s all he’s ever wanted to do, and it’s all he knows HOW to do. You pity him, because it’s all he’ll ever know and he’ll always be miserable.

ON the other hand, you have the kind of clowns that will just, creep you out. I genuinely mean it when I say, my kids will never go to a circus or have a clown at their party, unless I know the clown personally. Why? Because you just never know if it’s that mass-murderer that escaped from the open prison last week, in a good disguise, trying to make some money from a home-invasion at a party, where everyone survives, but can’t quite look at the Bobo doll experiments without sobbing and holding their inappropriates…

And there’s the fear that the clown will be standing over you at night with a butcher’s knife, cackling away to himself in that maniacal way, which just tells you it’s not genuine, yet you can’t help but believe it because if you show a single sign of not thinking he’ll do it, he’ll slice the living pie-to-the-face out of you. And I just swear their noses are explosives!

But no, to me, the Simpsons summed it up brilliantly, in just 6 simple words.

Clowns Will Eat Me
“And not in the ‘howdy-doody-eat-me-out’ kind of way….”

So, Coulrophobia, the fear of clowns, is something I have. I liked the Joker though. He was alright. No problem with him OR his minions. I like them. The others can go climb into that tiny car and drive off a cliff, though.

Do I like couldrophobia? No. I would like to go and punch a clown in the face, but the fear he’s a shape-shifting psychopath just gets to me every time. EVERY time.

For clown-o-phobia, I award the following score. Ahem…


2 thoughts on “Coulrophobia

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