So, it’s fireworks night. Why have I reviewed Dishonored then? It’s, like, not a fireworks night game, is it? Well, read on, and see why.

The repeated attempts to over-throw the government. What is fireworks night? The night we remember the gunpowder plot. What was the reason behind the gunpowder plot? To serious fuck up our government. What happens in Dishonored? The government you defend gets fucked up, so you help some people fuck the replacement government, before fucking you over, so you fuck up the final government and help to establish the new one, which you defend until your death.

Lots of fucking happens, doesn’t it?

So, Dishonored. A 1st person FPS/RPG, where you take the role of security-guard-come-assassin, to exact revenge upon the people who murdered your beloved Empress, and if I understood correctly, lover, all the while trying to bring her daughter – your daughter? – to the throne. You do this with guns, a crossbow, grenades, magical abilities and, most of all, your trusty sword. You hack and slash, or sneak and stab, your way across steam-punky London, all the while wondering why exactly YOU have to do all the dangerous stuff. Well, I wondered, anyway…

“Oh, you want me to do what?”
“Pass the sa-“

Yes. I killed EVERYONE! Not everyone. I kept the daughter alive. And myself. And the weird ghosty thing you can’t kill. Everyone else died. I’ll be honest. I did three whole maps where I didn’t kill a single person I didn’t have to, and STILL I got the “evil” ending. Shame…

How can you kill people? Stab them. Shoot them. Push them off of things. Blow them up. Possess them to fall off cliffs. Trick them into walking to their deaths. Rats.

“I, am Rat-Man, and you shall be my nemesis, Rat-Trap-Boy…”

Yes. Rats. Rats filled with hunger and plague. You can summon them, or lure them over with dead bodies. Either way, they can take down two men, or a dog, all by themselves… That’s a handy skill. The picture above shows the main character summoning rats to kill random enemy #576. Skillful, right?

You wander around a lot end a lot of the time, you have jumping puzzles. Examine the next image.

Jumping Puzzles
“I can see 17 ninja assassins. Can you?”

There’s not a lot of walking space, the water is filled with angry fish and the skies are filled with plague infected rats with wings… Not really, but the water is dangerous. What do we do? Use Blink because Blink is a useful teleporting thing which helps you jump a LONG way. Use it to climb, to jump across. Heck, you could probably travel from one roof on the left to the roof on the right with a single click… and Blink. I used it to kill people all the time. “How?” , I hear you ask.

If you blink right in front of someone, then stab quickly, they will not have time to see you, react and alert anyone. Hence, silent take-down. That’s how I stayed as quiet as possible until 5 minutes into each map. Jump, hide, blink, stab, jump, hide, blink, stab, etc. Foolproof. I’m also a dab-hand with grenades. At the end of the picture, the glowy bit, there’s a ring of angry shell-fish creatures that spit acid at you. I threw a grenade, from behind cover, to right into the middle of them, on my first go. Boom!

Enough about me being awesome, though. Time for the game itself.

The plot is intriguing and it had me guessing a lot of time. I knew a bad guy was a bad guy, because he looked like a bad guy and, to be honest, had to be a bad guy. In short, guess what he was. A bad guy. However, I didn’t realise he had two bad-guy friends I was friends with, so, you know. Swings and roundabouts. I also didn’t realise a bad-guy, who stayed bad, wanted to be a good guy, but again, enough about allegiances and shit like that.

The difficulty, for me, was about right. I chose normal. Why? Wanted to go harder than easy, for once. The learning curve was pretty reliable and, so long as you are smart about it, you can get by without any real trouble for most of the game.

It’s scary. It really is. It had me running from zombie-like plague victims a lot. I say a lot. I mean, I had two sections where running was my only course of action, when the alternative is killing 50 people at once… Yeah – run!

“And don’t attack him until we can all pounce at once!”

The AI was a bit pants. A few times I had an enemy kill another enemy for me, with guns, because they were lined up right. Useful for me, but crappy for them. Blink and stab soon followed.

What I liked most, was the way people flew away. Sometimes, if you hit them right, they would fly off and never be seen again.

Bye Bye!
So long and thanks for all the crossbow bolts!

That guy flew off the walkway and into a river. He died.

They put a lot of effort into the characters and character development in Dishonored. In the first proper mission, when you’ve got away from prison, there is an old woman called Granny Rags, who you learn a lot about, if you put the effort in. We found out that she was voiced by Susan Sarandon, who just so happens to have another character look just like her. That’s the one I’d tap… And saw in the bath, actually… Enough about that though…

There’s a lot to this game. Rewiring. Double-crossing. Whale-oil. All sorts. To explain it all and how it impacted onto the game would be ridiculous. I’ll whittle it down now, to save time and effort for us all.

Plot – Great. Had me on my toes and eager to see more.

Graphics – Just have a look at the stills from above… Well, the assassins one isn’t, but the rest are.

Gameplay – I used a special type of mouse which was terrible with this game, but, the rest of the controls were fantastic. I enjoyed the experience every single time.

Characters – I had eye-candy all over the place. The Brothel mission? Not as alluring as I’d have hoped, but alluring enough for the likes of you lot… Engaging characters and great graphics worked well together. They really did.

Replayability – I don’t know, really. Do all the side missions and stay sneaky? Could be worth it, but I really don’t know. I’m going to guess no, it wouldn’t. I might be wrong. I hope I am. Time will tell. It really will.

Ending – It sucked. I’ll be honest, the ending let me down. I was hoping for an epic battle against some baddies, but instead had a ‘sneak into here, kill these three and save the girl’. I killed one of them, one was shot by friendly fire and the third jumped to his death. I feel like a failure… The ending ending was a bit disappointing as well. All goes well, despite the plague and the rats and the fact that the bloke everyone’s been scared of now helps protect the woman in charge of everywhere…

So, overall, what do I think? It’s a great game, but that ending ruined it for me. For a cross between Deus Ex, the Fallout Series and the Thief games, it took the same flaw they had – bad endings. Logical endings, but bad endings. It’s a shame, but it’s how it works.

I loved Dishonored and will play it again next year, but for now, I’m afraid it’s back in the cupboard for you.


That Guy

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