Anyone who knows me really well knows that I’m capable of extreme bitterness and hatred as well as love and generosity, anyone who disagrees obviously only knows me well enough to have experienced one of these emotions… I’ve been bored recently so I figure, what the hell, I’ll write about the things I hate and love the most. Tonight I’m gonna look at the top 10 things I despise beyond anything else. I highly doubt that everybody will agree with everything on here and some of you may be offended so I’m warning you now. Also there will be swearing, these are things and people that I just loathe and it’s unheard of for me to talk about most of them without bursting into a torrent of profanity. So without further ado, here are the things that I hate most in the world.
9) Vanessa Feltz
Most of you are probably aware of those countdown shows that come on every now and then, stuff like 50 Greatest Comedy Moments or 100 Greatest Cartoons. They’re brilliant and I love them but something I’ve noticed is that a good 60%-75% of these shows feature Vanessa Feltz. Why? I don’t know. Feltz came to prominence with shows like the Big Breakfast and early morning radio talk shows but nowadays she’s probably most famous for doing everything in her power to cling onto fame. I mean it, she’s done it all. Big Brother, Celebrity Fit Club, The Weakest Link, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, The Wright Stuff and she presented two series of a show called ‘Cosmetic Surgery Live’.
I imagine they fed her the scraps from all the liposuction procedures…
I think what I really abhor about this woman is her desperation for fame, you can imagine her saying stuff like ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ and trying to leech off her less than impressive status as 97th Worst Briton (I’m not even kidding, there was a poll and everything) Furthermore, she’s 50 and married to a guy 10 years her junior. Actually did I say married? I’m so I meant engaged…for 6 years. Seriously, they met in 2006, planning to marry the next year. Her fiancée postponed for 2011 which came and went and the couple still aren’t married. He’s probably repulsed by her and only going through the sham of a relationship because he’s hoping to salvage his own fame and possibly get some semblance of financial security with it.
He’s thinking of the money, she’s thinking of éclairs
Feltz is just one of those Z list Celebrities who just refuse to go. She has a perfectly decent career as a radio presenter, thankfully at dawn so as the annoy as few people as possible, yet she constantly tries to achieve the status of a TV star, it’s a facade that 5 separate TV shows tried to maintain and each resulted in cancellation. Vanessa Feltz just needs to take the friggen hint and stick to what she’s best at, being an unseen and relatively obscure radio presenter.
8) People who abuse the hell out of Facebook
I’ve always been of the opinion that if you have a problem just shut the hell up and try to deal with it as best you can without bothering anyone who doesn’t need to know about it because chances are they have problems of their own, What makes you think you have the right to force yours on them? When Facebook came along it revolutionized the way we socialize and I’ve always seen it as a gift. I only really post something if I think it’s funny or necessary and if it’s neither then I leave it. This, however, is not the opinion of at least a good million people worldwide. Apparently their piddly ass little problems warrant posting and generally irritating almost everybody on their friend list. This is such a common annoyance that there are entire sites set up dedicated to the worst of the worst. It’s bad enough when people give you detailed paragraphs regarding problems nobody cares about but then you’ve got the people who post statuses like “Why is it so hard?” Something that deliberately invites comments and attention. It pisses me off that people take Facebook and then use it to lament over problems that they should really learn to just shut the fuck up about.
Now I know what you’re thinking, these problems might be something important and if they aren’t then why can’t I just carry on scrolling and ignore them? Here’s the thing though. Firstly, it’s never a legitimate problem. It’s always moaning about how lonely they are or how their parents are douchebags. Do they honestly think these problems are exclusive to them? Everybody on Facebook has problems like these and a good 70% have the decency to shut the hell up and keep it to themselves. The people who do have genuine problems, such as the death of a loved one, are excluded from this because they don’t bitch and moan about it and it’s a genuine issue. Secondly, why should I scroll down? These people have made the decision to pester 50-300 people and I don’t have to sit there and let them fester in their own attention seeking soup. If it gets really bad I comment and it makes things so much better because the people in question almost certainly unfriend me and it shows me I’m not the only one because I get likes on these comments; other people feel the same way. It’s a problem I don’t see going away anytime soon and until them I’m going to continue to bitch and moan and complain about it pointlessly to a bunch of people who probably don’t want to hear about it…
7) Jeremy Kyle
I doubt there’s a single person in England who doesn’t know the name of Jeremy Kyle. He’s the guy whose pretty much defined the whole ‘poke inbred chavs with sticks under the pretence of therapy’ genre. Kyle annoys me for one reason. It’s not because he takes advantage of chavs, no I couldn’t care less about that, in fact I quite enjoy watching idiots stumbling over Kyle’s ‘arguments’ and big words. It’s the fact that he has this self-righteous denial about what he’s doing. He says it’s to help them and that he’s a trained sociologist/psychologist/something or other and he acts like it too. He’ll sit down on the stage stairs and talk to a guy who cheated on a horse with a tablecloth (it happens) like he’s an adult giving guidance to a child. He’ll often take the moral high ground and maybe raise his voice, he’s blatantly playing to the audience and staking his authority with his third-rate psychology. It’s annoying because he’s not doing it to help people; he’s doing it to make money. He knows it and we know it, the only people who don’t know it are the retards on his show. Maybe if he changed the format of his show I’d like him more. Yeah, that would do it. How about this, give each of the guests a pointy stick, shove them into a Roman coliseum and tell them to fight to the death. Then, and only then, I might like Jeremy Kyle.
Beats seven sacks of shit out of Loose Women…
This applies to pretty much anyone with any prejudice, especially Homophobes, sexists and racists. It annoys me because there’s no logic whatsoever involved. There are no real differences in nationalities other than, you guessed it, nationality. It also annoys me how some Americans and even some Europeans think that all of the Middle East is obsessed with crushing the west. No, that’s retarded. I’ve had Muslim friends and they’re just as appalled by the activities of extremists as I am. You can’t group people together like that, it’s like saying all Americans are bigoted racists just because a handful are, it doesn’t work. I remember when there was a huge debate over the construction of a Mosque near ground zero, the site of the World Trade Centre; because people argued it was offensive for obvious reasons. Well is it? Later on it was revealed that the mosque was actually a community centre but even if it was a mosque would it be a problem? It wasn’t the Islamic faith it was a group of extremists, you’re grouping the two together, it’s the equivalent of debating the building of a church in Salem because of the Christian persecution of ‘witches’, and guess what, there are churches in Salem.
There’s a man whose seen enough scorched Wiccan flesh to last a thousand lifetimes…
Sexism is equally stupid, men are not better than women, if anything it’s the other way round, even so does it really matter? By far the thing that gets me the most though are homophobes. I’ll admit when I was younger I had some homophobic tendencies but I matured and learned that it doesn’t matter who you love or sleep with. It’s none of my fucking business who you want to fuck, just as long as it’s legal and doesn’t cause unwanted pain then I’m fine with it. It disgusts me that some fucking hick thinks he has any say in how other people should live their lives. We’re all human beings and we are all entitled to love and to live. My God people did you learn nothing from the Holocaust? The only remote silver lining that you can possibly draw from that, that the families of the victims can draw from it, is that it showed, in the most monstrous way possible, that intolerance is wrong and inhuman and it’s such a prolific example that I doubt we’ll ever forget it. It really is disgusting that people still think nationality, gender and sexuality matter because they really don’t. Grow the fuck up. I know what you all must be thinking, aren’t I being intolerant of the intolerant people? Well, no. I’ll hear you out; I’ll listen to your bullshit but don’t expect me to agree with it. I’ll rip apart every single solitary flaw in your ‘logic’ and I can guarantee that I’ll think less of you as a human being.
5) The Ignorant
This is sort of linked to my hatred of intolerant people but it’s expanded to include people who don’t: appreciate their own existence, want to learn or lack basic knowledge and then have the gall to criticise people who actually do show an eagerness. That Guy and I both went to a secondary school where a large percentage of the students had this sort of attitude. They had no lust for knowledge and no respect for the sheer improbability of their own existence and I hated it. It really gets to me for two main reasons. The first is that they have no comprehension of just how mind bunglingly lucky they are to exist it’s a 1 in 60000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 chance, I shit you not. Secondly, odds are you aren’t going to live more than 130 years, why the fuck wouldn’t to want to learn new things and become enlightened and richer for it. The world is a beautiful place and it really annoys me that people don’t take the chance to soak it up and just admire the sheer brilliance of being. What makes it worse is that these people who have no lust for the complexity and beauty of life, the arts and learning, proceed to mock those who do. This is something both That Guy and I know a lot about. Fucking retards who don’t give a shit about literature or art or culture or history or math or science or nature. Not only are they impossible to teach, simply because they don’t want to learn, but they also make it difficult to teach others who actually do have a lust for life. It pisses me off because there are people who would kill for even the most remote chance of receiving an education and yet these fuckers waste it, there are people who die tragically young, with so much left to do and see and who have a genuine lust for life and yet these fuckers waste it. They don’t deserve their gift of existence. It’s like giving someone a birthday present and see them throwing it away, they aren’t worthy of it. It’s a subject that really gets to me and sooner or later something needs to be done about it.
5) Sylvia Browne
I doubt may of you have heard of Sylvia Browne but believe me when I saw that she deserves all the hate in the world. Browne claims to be able to speak to the dead, a gift that she says was given to her by God. Browne, like all big TV mediums, travels around America and performs group readings for audiences in the hundreds. No cameras are allowed in such readings but the general feeling is that at the time it relieves some pain but afterwards it becomes clear that what Browne is doing is cold-reading. Cold-reading involves throwing generic questions at a large group of people and phrasing them in a way which means that, regardless of the answer, you can never be wrong. Questions like “You lost someone recently, this person was old wasn’t he? He wasn’t called John were they? With questions like these, nine times out of ten Browne can succeed in an audience environment simply because she is picking who she’s talking to. On top of this, she often undertakes her own research prior to the actual performance, this way she can maximize her chances of being right. Things get more difficult when people ask her questions about deceased loved ones. There is a clip on Youtube of Browne on the Montel Williams show in America and one by one audience members ask her questions and time after time she fails. The best one has to be this poor woman whose boyfriend died tragically, the woman asks Browne about where his body was seeing as they never found him. Browne claims that she keeps seeing water, to which the young woman replies “He died in 9/11, he was a fire-fighter” Not only is it hilarious watching Browne refusing to back down but it’s also really tragic seeing that woman’s face when the reality dawns on her that Browne is a total fraud. It really pisses me off that Williams always leaps in and defends her. There are several other clips where Browne is struggling, again, and Williams comes in at the last-minute and gives an explanation to save her. What gets to me more than anything else is the fact that she charges so much for readings. There are cases of people wasting fortunes phoning this woman for a 10 minute conversation where she rambles off the usual tarot crap about life lines and such, when the caller asks about their relatives they tend to get very vague, generic responses, stuff like “I’m sensing this person is no longer with us”
She’s like Grindelwald in a wig…
Also, it’s all well and good using this ‘gift’ to help ordinary men and women get over their grief (If what she claimed was in any way true then her work would be admirable) but think of what you could do with something like this. You could ask the founding fathers to be a little more specific about gun control or consult Plato about the meaning of life or dear God, just think about what we could learn about Hitler’s motivations, don’t you think that could add some interesting stuff to the study of psychopathy, or even change the way we think about WWII completely???
“Poland has better snow…”
Now, I know what you’re all thinking. So? Don’t all psychics pull this shit? Why is Browne so different? Well there was one incident a while back. Pam and Craig Akers went to ask Browne (again on the Montel Williams show) about their 11-year-old son Shawn who had gone missing and was presumed to have been kidnapped and perhaps murdered. Browne claimed that the boy had indeed been murdered, that the body was somewhere rocky and that the killer had dreadlocks. After the show the Akers were approached by someone claiming to represent Browne who said that for her standard fee of $700 an hour, Browne could provide them with more information about the whereabouts of their 11-year-old son’s body. That is just disgusting, this woman is making money from lying to people about their children. To make matters worse, 4 years later Shawn was found alive and well in a suburban house owned by a man with short brown hair. Naturally this whole incident caused outrage and attracted a heavy attack by sceptic and former magician James Randi. Now, Randi’s a personal hero of mine and a long while ago, like in the 90’s, Randi offered up a cash prize of one million dollars to any psychic who could pass a test and he aimed it directly at Browne. She’s refused constantly, citing various pathetic excuses such as Randi being a liar or that the million dollars doesn’t really exist. Every accusation levelled at Randi has been answered and yet Browne still refuses to go through with his test. Despite having a reasonably serious heart attack whilst holidaying in Hawaii Browne is still going strong in her 70’s and there is every indication that she is teaching her sons the art of cold reading too so they can continue conning the grieving and the desperate for generations to come. Sylvia Browne is nothing more than a greedy harpy, her talons did deep into the purses of the grieving and she gorges herself on blood money. This is a terrible human being.
4) Bad customer service/Obnoxious Authority Figures
At my secondary school we had a really unlikable librarian called Mrs Gibbons. She never liked me and frankly I never liked her. It was a mutual hatred that continued until I left the school and, for the entire 5 years, she had this air of superiority about her. I really hate that. Both bad customer service and obnoxious authority figures and it’s interesting because the two are polar opposites and yet I always put the two together. Being British I guess it’s a bit cliché to moan about customer service but I can’t help it, it just gets to me. I remember phoning my local Doctor’s surgery and politely telling the receptionist that I would be a little late. She proceeded to make a snarky comment about how I was probably still at home and maybe I should have woken up in time so I told her not to be so stupid and that of course I had left the house. I suppose that is the one silver lining with bad customer service, if they’re rude to me then you can bet your ass I’m going to be just as rude to them. Who the fuck do they think they are? Do they honestly think I’m going to stand there and let some two-bit secretary moan at me for something I’ve not done? No, I almost relish the opportunity to snap back at these people, it’s like a drug. I often plan things out in my head, taking the thing they’re most likely to mention and how I’m going to just rip into them. Of course it rarely plays out like this but I’m always prepared for it.
My ego is probably to blame, as I said before it really is a case of people working menial jobs making an assumption and them being a bitch about it and maybe I consider that to be a case of disrespecting their betters but I stand by it. Obnoxious authority figures get me just as much as bad customer service. Is it not enough that these people are in charge but that they have to be total dicks about it? Like they have some sort of divine provenance and that means they have the right to be as much of a cunt as possible. Oh and before you say anything I’m actually not including That Guy in this, I mean sure he has his moments but he’s nothing compared to some of the others I’ve had to put up with. Surprisingly enough it’s not teachers who are the biggest offenders, at least in my experience, it’s the teaching assistants. I remember one History assistant, a real fat bitch, who definitely had it in for me. She used to point out my horrendous handwriting and even mock answers I gave to questions despite the fact that they were right. It really annoys me when people aiming to be qualified teachers are so arrogant and douchey to students. It isn’t good classroom etiquette and it doesn’t endear the students to you. These people take discipline and they add a truck load of arrogance to it. I can’t stand people like this; at least bad customer service gave me a chance to be legitimately cruel. Obnoxious authority figures don’t give me that luxury; if I talk back then I’m screwed. I guess the only consolation that I can gain from that is that the ‘woman’ in question will hopefully never be given any form of classroom authority beyond the level to which she is so poorly assigned. Bitch.
3) Talent Show Audiences
By this I mostly just mean stuff like Britain’s Got Talent and X Factor, stuff where it’s the general public competing rather than trained professionals, for the most part, but even so I guess you could apply the same problems I have with the audiences of those shows and the audiences of shows like Dancing on Ice and Strictly Come Dancing. It’s the same basic problems I raised in a rant I wrote earlier this year about how much I loathed the Britain’s Got Talent audience. Firstly, the judges will often offer some form of criticism, constructive or otherwise, and the audience will boo. This only really annoys me when the criticism is constructive for the simple reason that the judges are trying to help the contestants and you fucking retards can’t figure that out. I know the producers often go out of their way to make one of the judges into a pantomime villain but even so, shut the fuck up. Secondly I really hate how cruel these fuckers can be. I’m the sort of person who sympathises with some of the poor, poor people who go on that show; they stand out in my memory; the Susan Boyle’s and the Paul Potts. They’ll come on stage and everybody will laugh, sometimes even the judges. Do these people learn anything??!! I mean seriously, we’ve had Paul Potts, Susan Boyle and that one kid who looks like Jabba the Hutt’s testicle.
“Mesa um bootu Solo.”
When will these people get the message that shows like these so often try to hammer in, ugly people can be good at stuff too! Not just good, fucking fantastic, and yet still we get the same response year after year; I can’t stand it especially when they get into that mob mentality and start chanting ‘Off! Off! Off!’ I can’t bear to watch, it physically pains me sometimes to see some of these poor people suffer at the hands of such douchebaggery, and yeah I know what you’re thinking. It’s the producers, and it is but do they deliberately prompt the audience to jeer? No. They don’t need to. I guess you could argue that the audiences are a sample of the British public but I don’t think it is. No, it’s a sample of people who watch the show and that’s very different. These are terrible, terrible people and I loathe them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. These people are dicks.
2) Piers Morgan
*Sigh* Piers Morgan is one of those people who has the distinction of being widely hated in two continents and yet still manages to be successful. In a way he’s like Vanessa Feltz if she was injected with an oil tanker’s worth of smugness and arrogance and then miraculously given some vague appeal. Piers Morgan is a so easy to hate. I mean, just look at his face.
It isn’t possible to find a picture of this man that doesn’t make you want to cut things…
For those of you that don’t know, Piers Morgan used to be the editor of The Sun, The News of the World and The Daily Mirror, all of which were accused of phone tapping and Morgan himself was called into the Levenson inquiry to testify. He allegedly fabricated or exaggerated stories to turn a profit, including lying about British soldiers torturing prisoners. Morgan has since become something of a celebrity, he’s been a judge on both Britain and America’s Got Talent, has his own interview show ‘Piers Morgan Life Stories’ and had his own travel show which looked at places like Shanghai and Las Vegas (amongst others). I think there are two main reasons why I detest this man so much. The first reason is that he always has this air of smugness about him, as if he’s better than all those around him and that he’s some sort of A list celebrity with the body of an Adonis, he’s clearly none of these things. I remember him appearing on Have I Got News For You and making a complete fool out of himself by attempting to be even remotely funny, he offended half the panelists and asked the audience whether they actually liked Ian Hislop, they did The second reason is that he’s successful and to be honest I do like some of his shows and that just pisses me off even more. I liked his travel show and parts of Life Stories but only because the former is written well and the later usually has good guests, neither are to do with Morgan himself, I despise him and the idea that two remotely enjoyable shows could be connected with a man so repugnantly vile just fills me with hatred. It’s not to say that his existence is entirely bad though. As I said before almost everybody hates this guy and it’s led to some pretty enjoyable incidents of violence and aggression towards him. I’ve already mentioned Morgan’s friction with Ian Hislop on Have I Got News For You and afterwards Morgan actually sent a group of undercover reporters to Hislop’s village in an attempt to dig up some dirt on him even going so far as to offer Hislop’s vicar £50 for any good confessions! They turned nothing up but even so it’s pretty disgusting. At the 2004 British press awards Jeremy Clarkson punched Morgan three times in a clash over The Mirror’s coverage of his private life, and accusations that Clarkson did not write for his column in The Sun himself.
Making it the best 3 second fist fight, in the world
But by far the best put down Piers Morgan has ever received is from a supporter of British Cyclist Bradley Wiggins on Twitter. It sums up everything about Morgan, a smug little pest whose ego only grows more rancid by the second. Just read it.
That is just magnificent. The way Morgan asserts himself as the moral high ground and how Quinn, quite rightly, rips it out from under him. It’s superb. Piers Morgan is a despicable human being, encompassing everything detestable about E list Celebrities and the media. He’s a smug, self-righteous little prick, a rancid little wart on the ass cheeks of society and the sooner someone lances him, the better.
1) The Vatican
Would all the devout Roman Catholics please leave the internet for this one because I will almost certainly offend you to some degree. Actually, no. Stay, because you need to see just what a vile, degenerate, morally reprehensible system the Vatican is, was and probably always shall be. I’m finding it difficult to figure out just where to begin with this one. I guess we’ll have to start with all the awful things the Vatican has been responsible for over the last 2000 years. Suppression of the rights of women, gays, blacks and atheists, the Papal inquisition, the Crusades, preaching Anti-Semitism up until the 60’s, denying the Holocaust, condemning condoms and other forms of contraception leading to the spread of AIDS, suppressing free speech in Italy, prompting homophobia, the sexual abuse of minors, the list is almost endless. I’ve got to go through these, I mean really talk about why the Vatican is so disgusting. Firstly, the Pope claims to be God’s infallible representative here on Earth which makes no sense. Why? because the Papacy has issued apologies for the horrific things it has done in the past claiming that they were ‘Tragic Mistakes’. They have literally just pointed out why they are completely useless in the religious sense, they’ve admitted they’ve made mistakes and are therefore NOT infallible. It angers me that they had no opinion on the Holocaust despite they knew it was happening, that’s right, the supposed pinnacle of God’s authority on Earth and they did nothing when 6 million people were being systematically butchered. That’s not just vile, that is evil. Furthermore they actually preached Anti-Semitism up until the 60’s which almost certainly helped public opinion swing in favour of Jewish persecution during the 40’s, they became a weapon of Hitler. It’s beyond words, it truly is.
Secondly, they preach nothing but hate under the pretence of compassion. The Vatican claims that it preaches the loving doctrine of Jesus Christ when in reality it does no such thing. Not only has it continued to attack Homosexuals, other religions and free speech but it also denies women the opportunity to take on the role of priest despite the fact that one of the most important people in their entire religion is the Holy Mother Mary, who was in fact a woman. With regards to homosexuality, the Vatican refers to it as a sin worthy of an eternity in Hell and calls it ‘monstrously immoral’. It is a cruelty on an inhuman level. As a human being I feel offended by comments like that, I may not be gay but I’m still a human being and I think the Churches comments are disgusting. What makes this worse is that, because the Vatican is a state it has political power it can therefore attend UN meetings, recently, the Vatican voted against legalizing homosexuality, in some places the death penalty still stands for it. That’s despicable; the very notion that the church preaches love is frankly rubbish. If anything they’re preventing it. They’ve decided that they have the right to tell people how to live their lives and they don’t, it’s as simple as that. They are doing everything in their power to prevent people from loving, it’s like asking a bird not to fly, simply impossible. The Vatican is taking it upon itself to interfere not only in the lives of its followers but then also deem itself important enough to comment on the sex lives of every single human being on the planet. It’s taking away people’s free will and inherent human rights; it’s hardly following in the footsteps of a loving and compassionate leader.
Thirdly, money. The Vatican is worth around $50 billion, that’s the equivalent of 100 Queen Elizabeth IIs, and yet poverty is still a major issue in Third World countries. Why hasn’t the Vatican given away its wealth and splendour in favour of the aesthetic lifestyle of Jesus Christ? Think of the good they could do with that sort of money, it’s hardly very Christian of them to keep it all. What makes it worse it the fact that, not only do they have this money but they actually go as far as to flaunt it. Look at the finery the Pope is draped in. The Vatican claims that it’s not as wealthy as its critics tend to say and yet they dress in exactly the same fashion that they did in the renaissance, at the height of their power.
And unto man Christ did say ‘go and bring forth a big-ass golden throne whereupon you may place your butt cheeks of corruption’ and lo it was done
Fourthly, the Catholic Church isn’t exactly fond of condoms and their stance on any form of contraception is that it’s wrong because it prevents life and the main goal of sex is the creation of life. Whilst this isn’t a major issue in the developing world, where most Catholics tend to ignore it and those that don’t usually just have large families (which they sometimes have difficulty supporting) In the Third world it’s far, far worse. AIDS is still a massive problem in Africa with thousands of people dying from it every year. Africa also happens to be a very Catholic Continent and, wouldn’t you know it, the parts of Africa that are most Catholic also happen to have the highest level of AIDS related death. In Africa they don’t have the luxury of sex education; they don’t know how condoms help to prevent the spread of the disease that is slowly wiping out entire communities. The Vatican is killing people; there is no other way of putting it. They try to combat this criticism by promoting the ideals of chastity and faithfulness and granted that helps, but condoms are better. Mrs Holmes, my old Geography teacher was South African and she often talked about AIDS in Africa. We learned that many people still weren’t entirely sure what condoms were for, they were putting them over vacuum cleaners as caps and hanging them from ceilings as decoration. It’s no exaggeration, this is what the Church is doing, promoting ignorance and death. What makes it even more infuriating is that the Vatican’s higher ranks are composed entirely of old, celibate men and they believe they have the knowledge to tell other people how to practise safe sex. It’s ridiculous, that’s like Honey Boo Boo’s mother teaching people about raising children.
This is what I imagined was in the Sarlacc pit in Return of the Jedi…
Fifth, the Vatican’s power is really very underrated. They pretty much have the whole of Italy in their pocket. The Pope’s opinions are in the paper constantly; his views on homosexuality, politics, business and education are commonplace in Italian media. He is possibly the most powerful man on the planet and he rules with something of an iron fist. A few years ago Italy’s favourite comedian, satirist and filmmaker Sabina Guzzanti said that Ratzinger will end up in Hell tormented by gay demons because of his firmly homophobic beliefs. The Vatican replied by trying to have her arrested, hardly very Christian, and then when that failed they forgave her, as if they had taken the moral high ground. The Vatican is a highly oppressive force in Italy and is geared solely toward power and political control, once again more reminiscent of something from the 16th century than Christ’s own ideals. I’d also like to talk about the fact that the Vatican has vaults. In these vaults are kept books from the Bible that weren’t included in publication. You see, the Vatican votes on what should be in the Bible and what should be left out. It’s an old procedure and it means that the Vatican’s vaults contain everything that they don’t want you to see. Academics have been asking to be allowed even an hour in those rooms and yet the Vatican denies them. It annoys me because it’s the ultimate demonstration of the Pope’s power. He’s literally cherry picking the Bible, he’s dictating what we can and cannot see and something needs to be done about it.
“We’ll cut out all this equality shit for a start…”
Finally I don’t think you can talk about the Vatican in either sense, positive or negative, without discussing the horrific and widespread cases of child abuse throughout the world. This is sickening both on the surface and beneath it. Not only does it go against the basic Christian teachings of love and care and harm innocent children who are reliant on the charity of the Church, but it also goes far further than that. Recently a disgruntled priest asked a friend in the Vatican to smuggle out a certain document for him. The Crimen Sollicitationis is a document which instructs priests to keep silent about child abuse claims up until 10 years after the ‘alleged victim reaches maturity’. Not only that but it’s actually in the oaths that priests take to defend the reputation of the Church. Also, guess who ordered the Crimen Sollicitationis? It was the current Pope, Joseph Ratzinger (former Nazi youth member by the way) and because of him there are still priests working in the Vatican today who have abused children and not been brought to justice, simply because it would reflect badly on the Vatican. That’s disgusting.
It should be said though that there are good Catholics out there and I’m sure many priests do genuinely adhere to the teachings of Christ and want to live by his standards but I highly doubt the core of the faith is anything it claims to be. The Vatican will tell you that they do charitable work and they do but that doesn’t make up the centuries of decadence and cruelty that they’ve inflicted on the entire planet, Ted Bundy volunteered at a suicide hotline before he started murdering young women but that doesn’t change how we feel about him. The Vatican is a foul, seeping ball of corruption, greed, perversion and cruelty. I’m an atheist although I don’t mind religion too much, after all there are good aspects to any such group, but the Vatican takes religion and turns it into a business. They have power and they abuse it, think of the good they could do with the power and influence that they have. I hate the Vatican for all the reasons above and more. If the Vatican wants me to think of it in a better light then there are certain things that they would need to do:
1) Apologize for everything done in the name of the Church up until the turn of the 20th century, including the Crusades, the condemnation of vaccinations, the sale of indulgences and the persecution of the Jewish people.
2) Apologize and offer large compensation to all victims of child abuse at the hands of priests, sexual or otherwise.
3) Stop protecting those who are guilty of the sexual abuse of minors and allow justice to take its course.
4) Apologize to the gay, Jewish and female community for centuries of persecution and allow female and gay priests as well as legalizing homosexuality and gay marriage.
5) Empty its coffers and use its billions to help the poor,use the Vatican and St Peter’s Basilica as a tourist attraction rather than a palace and use any money raised to help the poor.
6) The Pope and his cardinals should adhere more closely to the lifestyle of Jesus Christ rather than surrounding themselves with luxury and power.
7) The Vatican’s libraries should be opened to the public. All documents should be open to scrutiny and academic study.
If the Catholic church were to comply with each and every one of these points then, and only then, would I be willing to acknowledge that the Catholic Church is a force for good in the world.
It is an evil, an evil that needs to be torn down and reformed. It has spent hundreds of years promoting ignorance, bigotry and cruelty. It will be a fine day when Ratzinger dies; despite changing nothing of the Vatican’s nature, we shall at least be rid of the man who literally wrote the book on child abuse. I don’t believe in Hell but if I did I’d have to say it was made for men like those in the Vatican. In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.