A Week In Liverpool – That Guy’s Account

Okay, so, you got me. It wasn’t a week. I went on Monday, I came back Friday. It’s near enough for me. If you’ve got a problem with it, sue me. See if I care. Okay… I would care. Please don’t sue me.

I’m reported as having said that the England steadily gets worse in quality – whatever that means to you, assume that’s what I mean – the further North you go, with the exception of Hull, which is England’s shit-tip. Please not, I specified England here – I do not include Scotland in my alleged opinions, at all.

It is true that I have said that in the past – in fact, I have said it multiple times, and each time, the people hearing it have said “that can’t possibly be right – well, maybe the Hull thing is, but the rest has to be wrong”. I can now, honestly say, that they are 100% correct. The quality of England does not decrease the further North you get, but Hull is still a shit-hole. In fact, I may amend my opinion so that the closer to Hull you get, the shittier everything in England is.

But before I get onto my fondness for Liverpool and, thus, the North (compared to here, at least), let’s have a moan at the East Midlands train service, shall we?

Below is a map of the UK, with my starting point, Spalding, following the route I should have taken, roughly, to get to Liverpool. I have not included all the stops, merely the ones I can recall that are on the screen at that zoom level.

As you can see,
As you can see, I went to Peterborough (by car) then should have got the train through Grantham, to Nottingham, via Chesterfield, up to Sheffield, across to Stockport, Manchester and then finishing off in Liverpool. This was a NO transfers service.

Below, you can see the route I actually ended up taking…

As you can see, I got the car to Peterborough as above, then the train to Grantham, where, without much warning, we were told to vacate the train and instructed that if we were to get to Liverpool, we would need to hop on the seconds-from-departing train to Leeds, but get off a Doncaster, transfer from there to Sheffield, from which we should be able to get a train to Liverpool.

Before I rant, note the time I posted this opinion piece, and the time on the screen-print. I genuinely made these as I went along. Additionally, yes, I am still running Windows XP. It was reliable. Moving on…

Now, I’m not exactly complaining, BUT, I do distinctly recall typing that it was supposed to be a no transfers service. Can you just double-check for me? Yes? Good. I was supposed to be on one train there, and one train back. Simple enough.

I ended up on four trains, going there. My reserved seats were removed from me and I found myself wondering if I would get to Liverpool at all. I hadn’t enough money to get a train back to Peterborough, and then back to Spalding, should something go wrong, and it was either risk the gauntlet above, or wait around and hope something worked out for us.

Luckily, the gauntlet got us at our destination a mere hour behind schedule. Bit of a shame we were late, but at least we got there at all, right? So, day one was sort of a shitty one because of the stress from that.

Day two, however, we did a bit of sight-seeing. My girlfriend and I (sorry ladies) took a walk over towards the docks, up a spiral staircase in a museum, spend the next half an hour looking for a KFC and then wandered back to where we were staying. We had a BBQ that night, and chilled out.

Day three, we wandered around town for a bit, visiting a Primark (the biggest in Europe, apparently), the Cavern Club and another KFC, which was just around the corner from the first one.

Day four, we chilled out at the house we were staying at, then went out in the evening to watch the film That Other Guy reviewed last week – The Fault In Our Stars – I will review it myself when I have the time and motivation. I need alcohol, and we don’t have any, so for now, motivation is not at hand, whilst time may be plentiful. Upon getting back to the house, I watched “Reasonable Doubt”, a 2014 film starring Samuel L Jackson, again, to be reviewed soon.

Today, day five, we had breakfast at the local Asda, got on our SINGLE train back to Peterborough (which was boiling hot, and I’m sure Yoko Ono sat opposite me at the table, and left a cereal bar behind…littering bitch. First she ruins the Beatles then she litters on my train…), the train from Peterborough to Spalding and then a taxi home.

All in all, I had a good week. I didn’t quite see everything I was hoping to see, but I did get a good feel for the place, and upon testing my theory of England, I’ve been able to refine it, much like a real pseudo-scientist. For me, that’s a win. Plus, there’s the two films I saw, the book I read and the other book I read which I may have already reviewed, but also may not have. We’ll see.

So, for now, Liverpool is awesome, I enjoyed myself, and stay tuned for a potential 4 reviews in the next few days. You know how I love to stay busy!

That Guy

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