The Quiet Ones

Ah, there’s nothing quite like a Saturday evening in front of Netflix, as shown on my Xbox. Throw in the promise of a bacon sandwich on “giraffe” bread after watching the “horror” film, and you might just have described a perfect night. Depending on the quality of the film, of course…

So, we decided to watch The Quiet Ones, a low budget horror film from 2014, starring no-one of consequence. Literally, the only person we even recognised was a guy who was in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean films and Hunger Games 2 onward. We’re pretty sure he just looks like someone we thought was famous for something.

Regardless, we watched The Quiet Ones, and truth be told, the best thing about it was the time we paused it for a bathroom break. That shit I had was more pleasant than watching the film. Had I the forethought and less optimism that the ending would be so much better than the rest of the film, I think I would have taken a picture to share it all with you. That said, a decent picture of a turd from the internet is surprisingly difficult to get a hold of.

Oh, no, it was actually quite easy!

I’m being a bit harsh. For one, it’s a better movie than Knowingand second, I’m not a fan of horror movies anyway. I didn’t expect to like it, and with that in mind, it’s actually done better than I expected.

The plot, as with most horror movies, was sub-par. It had substance, but then they decided to go with the “possessed by an evil spirit” and “the only survivor of the climax turns out to be insane and/or possessed as well” plot. It was actually enjoyable whilst they were all trying to help heal this woman of some form of mental illness, and by extension, paranormal abilities, such as telekinesis, but it turned south with the realisation that the film was going to become the cliché, that, sadly, they almost always become.

What we really need is a sort of Blair Witch horror movie set in a house, filmed from a first person POV, and nothing jumping out at you. Seriously – give me a glasses-mounted camera, twenty people and a big house, and we’ll do the film in a night. Well, give me a week’s warning so I can cobble together a script too, but I’ll still do it.

A big house with lots of dark corners, no feasible reason for everyone staying in the scary house, and no explained reason as to why they’re not calling the police!

I can’t really fault the acting. I could believe that they were studying parapsychology, and that the possessed lady was scared about the whole ordeal – that’s natural and you don’t really need to act scared if, by any chance, you are in fact scared. The point is, they clearly worked hard – the cast of five actual characters and a handful of faces with minimal lines were chosen well and they fit into their roles quite well.

For once, I actually recognised some of the sound effects – there was, from the sound of it, an ultra-sound machine, being used during one of poltergeist encounters. As for the visual effects, strings and subterfuge have been used for decades – it didn’t really become something that you noticed until the mass of fire towards the end, and, of course, an obligatory jump scare.

Of course, that’s something I can’t stand. I don’t like jump-scares, not because they make me jump (and with a history of heart conditions in the family, that’s not exactly a good thing) but because they ruin the best thing about horror – the suspense.

To me, a great horror would be one where you keep holding the suspense, and building it up and building it up, right up until the end of the film, where, theoretically, the viewer realises that they are in their house, and the same could be happening to them, right there and then, and they don’t know what it is. So, yeah, give me a glasses-mounted camera, twenty odd people and a large house for a night…

The Quiet Ones are always the ones you need to keep an eye on, but it’s not a film I recommend that you watch.


That Guy

2 thoughts on “The Quiet Ones

  1. Jump Scares are to horror what throwing a custard pie in someone’s face is to comedy; a minor action to deliver minor short-term payoff. Jump scares do not scare you, they startle you and I hate them because I then have to constantly remain aware that this is the sort of film willing to use such a cheap trick and that it could be employed any second.

    I’m not saying jump scares don’t have their place but right now we are way to reliant on them. It’s sort of like all those exploitation films of the 1980’s that use copious amounts of gore because it worked with Texas Chainsaw Massacre, even though anyone who has actually seen the movie will tell you that there isn’t any blood in it.


  2. The best horror is the kind that gets into your head – if you can be tricked into believing that the plot is happening to typical people, going about their typical lives, and you don’t know what it is that is happening to them that is scary, then the fear you feel will carry on being felt long after you finish watching the film.

    I think that’s one reason why the weeping angels scared me so much as a kid – they were, originally, made into a part of our universe, as well as part of the Dr Who universe. That creates one hell of an effect on someone’s mind…


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